Nostalgia

When I was a kid, running through a sprinkler was one of the most exciting and daring activities in the summer.  It was so exhilirating to try and time your jump perfectly with the arch of the water not to mention how great it felt when it was so hot outside.  Today I ran past a bunch of neighborhood kids playing in the sprinkler and I had my second bought of nostalgia for the day.  The first came when a little girl got strawberry frozen yogurt with sprinkles at work and it made me think about how simple things are when we're younger, I mean we eat frozen yogurt now instead of just good old-fashioned ice cream... what happened?  But anyways, these kids were having the time of their lives which made me want to run over and either a) join them or b) warn them that it doesn't last forever, both of which would have been incredibly creepy.  Instead I kept running, but the nagging thought of what else I miss from my childhood wouldn't leave me.  So I composed a list and decided to rekindle at least one of these activities. 

• Hula Hoop and/or jump rope (though my coordination seems to have gotten worse with age so...)
• buying ice cream from an ice cream truck
• going to a waterpark
• going to a farmers market (Wisconsin has the BEST farmer's market, shocking I know, and I'll be there soon enough!)
• making a prank phone call (totally juvenile which is kind of the point)
• going camping in your back yard (seeing as I have no back yard this may be difficult so someone with a back yard that is decently normal and would like to help me out, call me maybe!)

Basically I'm too old for some of these things and will never be too old for other's but I don't care because this summer is mostly about finding happiness in day to day things for me which has been surprisingly easy so far and children are typically pretty happy which means we must have been doing something right back then!  Either way everyone should make their own list and do something on it even if you feel utterly ridiculous! 
Have a RUN-believable day!

Song Suggestion: In keeping with today's theme I'm throwin' it back with Ignition by R. Kelly

Denial

Have you ever had someone tell you "De-nile isn't just a river in Egypt" and you just wanted to punch them in the face... yeah that phrase has never sat very well with me.  I guess it's because you know that they know that you know what you're trying really hard to not know and you know that they know that you don't want to know it so they're just being an asshole.  That really convoluted sentence just means that they're not only an asshole, they're also a really good friend.  The things that shock us the most are the things that we know to be true and the things we defend ourselves from so fiercely are the ones that will change us in the greatest ways.  Personally I think those moments of revelation are extremely phony because it's not the revelation that's so shocking to us, it's the disruption of our carefully crafted delusion that provides that electric form of therapy.  We're really very good at convincing ourselves that something is true when in reality nothing could be further from it.  The universal truths about these delusions is that they always always fall apart at some point.  We have to face the music, so to speak, and adapt hopefully to what's real and not just jump straight back into the de-nile!  Denile certainly serves a purpose though, it offers a temporary escape from what our mind says we're just not ready to accept yet.  I think that's alright, everyone deals with things in their own time.  I've spent the past 19 years of my life being blissfully happy with a life I was no where near mature enough to accept was unfulfilled.  When you're six years old the only thing you care about is when the ice cream truck is going to make it's rounds and whether or not that flintstones push-pop will be sold out because if it is so help me I will lead a street-wide protest against that ice cream truck!  You don't think about things like making the most of every moment or how your teenage years are almost gone and you have very little to show for it.  When you're six your life is the best bubble of denial it can be, but we all grow up (Peter Pan is clearly false advertising for children, and incredibly politically incorrect I realized after watching it recently) and the bubble bursts.  The way I see it, with this new fangled thing I'm trying called optimism, when the bubble bursts it just means that there's an opportunity for the sun to make it's way in finally and we can all get a tan!  Now that I know more about myself and who I really want to be in the future I can work for towards it and if I ever try to take it easy on myself I have some incredible assholes, uh I mean friends, to set me straight! Also today on my run I saw at least five people sitting in someone's driveway trying to get this cat out from behind the wheel of a truck so the owner could pull out of their driveway and seeing as it's about 90 bajillion degrees here and that was the only shade I was secretly rooting for the cat!  But seriously, since when did that become a new joke... how many people does it take to move a cat... doesn't quite roll off the tongue.
Have a RUN-believable day!

Song Suggestion: Guns for Hands by Twenty One Pilots or really anything by them because I got to see them live the other day with some of the most inspiring and life-altering people I know who also happen to be a couple of my closest friends and they were out of this world!

Character

No I don't mean from a book, I mean that upstanding, moral center everyone seems to rely on when we describe what can't be put into any other words about the people we spend time with.  I find it very difficult to describe specific aspects of people's personalities or attributes they hold that make me trust them or want to befriend them.  I think it really all boils down to a person's character.  Call me old-fashioned, but I'm a firm believer in this notion that we all have this center driven by a multitude of things.  The whole nature vs. nurture argument could be called into play here, but as far as I can tell it's neither one nor the other.  A combination of our innate nature and the way we are raised/our environment makes the most sense so I really don't get why people are so bent out of shape about it?  In the end, the one thing they all seem to agree on is that something is cultivated in us that represents a character we portray for others to pick up on.  The real question on my mind is whether character is something that can change over time or if we reach a point where we've come upon this realization of what is part of our very being and we won't compromise on these morals?  I'm leaning toward the latter because the more I think about it the more I realize that for as much as I've changed over the past year when it comes down to it there are a lot of fundamental parts of myself, my character, that have been steadfast to my benefit.  I believe that if we can truly embrace our own character it will make us a better judge of character in others.  Not all of my friends are alike in their beliefs or personalities, but I know that I can relate to all of them deep down and that's what made me gravitate to them in the first place.  As long as character is still considered a viable resource I'm not worried about my future or my friendships.  I wonder who came up with "character" in the first place... unlike Sir Isaac Newton who came up with the most worthless topic known to mankind, calculus, I'd actually like to shake this person's hand.  Not like in that Arby's commercial though because that just freaks me out in a major way, it's just a hand stretching out of your take-out bag (Seriously get in line Arby's, Wendy's already has that market cornered with the finger in the chili)!  On that note...
Have a RUN-believable day!
Song Suggestion: Sleepyhead (Chrome Canyon Remix) - Passion Pit
By the way, when I typed character into google this classy chap showed up... what a statue

Labels

I was thinking about what my post for the day would be about and what I would call it as I ran today and that sparked a very controversial and heated discussion between me, myself and I, needless to say I won!  The topic for debate - labels - the question at hand - why are we so obsessed with them?  The debate comes from my desire to denounce labels altogether and one day live in a society where we're all above needing labels to function, that or a society that functions entirely underground, and my admittance that on some level labels are a necessary evil.  Just as James Madison reluctantly forfeiteted all claim against political parties I too must admit that labels are an integrated part of our society that give identity to people, places, things, experiences, even memories, however I don't need an entire newspaper to get my point across, this post will do just fine.  I mean, labels are everywhere! There's even a section on this site that is dedicated to placing labels on your post so people can track them.  They deal with our sexual orientation, religious affiliation, location, education, what food we'll eat, hair color, height, income, etc. before we know it we'll be labeling people based upon what kind of fingerprint they have.  Just because they're everywhere doesn't mean I have to like it though.  By these standards I would be considered an overwhelming number of different labels.  Luckily for you it's not necessary to figure them all out you can just call me Sarah.  I truly dislike labels, but even more so I hate having to feel like I need to justify myself as something another person is labeling me as.  Let me clarify, if you were going about your business just doing you and someone approached you questioning an aspect of your character that you had always assumed was just natural how would you feel?  I personally feel a mixture of shame and affront.  Who are they to question my personal choices, but at the same time a tiny part of me wonders what's so wrong that someone noticed it in the first place?  Ya know what I say, let people label you and let them associate what they want with you because nice people get proven nice in the end and I can't think of a single thing wrong with being labeled as that nice girl from across the street who walks her dog every morning before work and likes to play her music a little too loudly!  I'm off to drive my used ford taurus that I just got today, interestingly enough since taurus is the horoscope until May 20th my Taurus is a Taurus! 
Have a RUN-believable day!
Song Suggestion: Breath of life - Florence and the Machine (It's intense!!)   

Expectations

Expectations make a lot of sense to me.  As humans we have this annoying habit of believing in things we can't see, whether that be some convoluted concept or an intangible future, and we cling to it.  Having expectations is akin to this in that we believe something will happen and plan around it as if it's set in stone while the truth of the matter is that all we really have is hope.  Expectations can turn out either way, they can pull through and work out all according to plan or they can fall through and only offer up a void where those hopes used to be.  I expect every song Lea Michele sings to be unreal and she never dissapoints, however, I also expect there to be granola in the pantry in the morning which is not always the case given I have an older brother who eats anything he can get his hands on...  Expectations to me are a lot like making a souffle, you spend a majority of your time doing the prep work, fastidiously measuring out the ingredients, pain-stakingly folding it all in and then you wait and hope that when you take it out of the oven it doesn't sink like the titanic.  When it does it's heartbreaking, but unlike expectations at least with the souffle you have a decently tasting if not oddly shaped dessert to eat still.  I've reached a crossroads when it comes to expectations because this past year really messed with my beliefs on this very subject.  It's in my nature to have high expectations for myself and others.  Lately, these expectations or rather I should say the unfulfillment of these expectations has been a real bummer.  I'm at a point where I'm beginning to start planning things to look forward to in the upcoming years, but because of my long-running streak of let downs I'm hesitant to do so.  Do I forge on and set expectations for the future or simply decide to have no expectations at all and therefore never be dissapointed?  On the one hand, not having any expectations means that I'll never be setting myself up for rejection, but on the other hand all that means is that I'm simply existing.  I think I would rather be more of an active participant in my own life than that.  Plus, a majority of our lives are spent expecting things while we only spend a brief moment in time fulfilling those expectations or experiencing their demise.  It seems like a fair trade-off to spend most of our lives clinging to Pandora's last contender for a few moments of dissapointment every now and then.  Interestingly enough Pandora's box is really Pandora's jar in original myth because it's supposed to symbolize femininity and fertility which is super ironic considering Pandora was created to destroy all of mankind through womanhood... yeah the ancient greeks were kind of mysoginistic pricks (my Ancient Mythology professor would be so proud right now!) Basically, I'm going to continue to have expectations and hope I don't get burned in the end so if you've experienced something similar recently take note that we have expectations every day without even realizing it so even though you may be upset over something that didn't quite turn out for you I'm sure there's something new you're already looking forward to without even knowing it!
Have a RUN-believable day!
Song suggestion: Spring- Fortune Family

Last Words

Heyo! This will be brief today but I just finished a book I've been reading and naturally my mind chose to focus on that for the duration of my run.  The book is called Looking for Alaska  by John Green who has a very cavalier style of writing that I find amusing.  In the book the main character Miles is obsessed with people's last words and he knows some pretty random ones from Francois Rabelais last words "I go to seek a Great Perhaps" to John F. Kennedy's  which were "that's obvious".  Some are pretty inspirational like John Adam's who used his dying breath to state "Thomas Jefferson still survives" which is either the ramblings of a dying old man or a really epic statement about the continuancy of our democracy.  Some are silly like, for instance, Thomas Jefferson's who used his dying breath to ask "This is the Fourth?"  Last words is a rather morbid topic, but I'm fascinated! What is so important that in leiu of all else someone would choose to make that statement as their last?  Sure people don't always know it's their last moment of verbosity, but if you did what would you say?  If you knew it was the last impression you would make what would win out?  I would like to think my last words would be some really powerful message that would be passed on in a book years later, but truthfully it will probably be about food... If you're as interested as I am John Green references a book called Famous Last Words by Laura Ward where I'm sure some gems are to be found.  Tangent time: I didn't even realize that the food network has no strictly vegetarian shows which is frankly surprising!  I'm trying to go vegetarian which is proving to be a challenge, but a worthwile one so who knows maybe that's my calling in life? 

Have a RUN-believable day!

Comfort

"Anxiety is a glimpse of your own daring" Wise words from Maria Shriver on a feeling most people get when they start to attempt something outside of their comfort zone.  And who came up with this idea of a comfort zone, how is it that we're instinctually okay with some things but not others?  I'm not sure how I know that karaoke would be a terribly anxiety-riddled idea for me to have, but I do which according to Maria Shriver means I should most definitely give it a try, although I'm sure anyone in the audience at the time will be cursing the day I ever read that quote... Regardless I have mixed feelings about comfort.  There is nothing besides a hot shower when you're feeling under the weather that is better than a steaming mug of hot chocolate while you curl up in your flannel pajamas that your grand-parents got you two years ago and no longer cover your ankles with one of those dusty leather-covered classics you're required to read for school.  Being comfortable is practically a life-style for me and those flannel pajamas, yeah I own some and I'm fairly certain the puritans would not approve of the amount of ankle showing when I wear those bad boys!

However, there are certain times where comfort is overrated.  For instance, I went white-water rafting one year with my family and I was terrified!  I'm talking crippling anxiety, honestly though you're willingly entering rapids filled with bone-crushing rocks with the only thing separating you being a raft you're not even strapped into... so I thought it was pretty justified.  Needless to say I sat in the middle of the raft fearing for my life practically the whole time.  By the end, I decided to try one rapid on the edge and I never went back.  We went rafting again the next year and I was right there with everyone else paddling furiously through a class 5 rapid and loving every minute of it.  Don't get me wrong, I still get anxious at the thought of activities that threaten my very existence, but if that experience taught me anything it's that you might live to see another day if you stay in the middle of the raft, but are you really living?  This summer I'm trying to do something new everyday and now when I get anxious about an idea rather than dismiss it prematurely I just think of that raft and Maria Shriver shaking her head at me and I push forward.  I mean come on she was married to the terminator that's pretty freaking intimidating, on a side note I really hope that when the divorce ended she turned to him and said "I WON'T be back" because if not what a waste!  Also, why does rain make everything smell so good?  I'm spiralling here so I'll end with another great quote from William Blake who said "He who would do good to another man must do it in minute particulars" which basically means that if we want to do well unto others we have to strive for the little everyday things rather than the grand gestures.  Now I'm off to drink hot chocolate and read Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, Chelsea Handler's biography, because that's considered a classic right... and it's the perfect rainy day to get comfortable! 

Have a RUN-believable day!

Song suggestion: Black and Blue by Ingrid Michaelson (My only friend who knows how to play the ukelele, you know who you are, learn how to play this by July because that would be epic!)

Karma

So there I am minding my own business diligently working, okay fine not so diligently working, when a massive crowd of small children comes in for a birthday party.  I don't know if you remember your birthday parties as a child at Chuck E. Cheese or McDonald's, but your parents seem to think that everyone and their brother is your friend when you're younger so there's more people there than you can even count to at that age.  Anyways, I'm standing there behind the counter listening to the screaming as I watch my hard work tarnished by sticky hands and an enthusiastic game of tag when I think to myself 'what did I do to deserve this?'  I got home and immediately set off on a run because I couldn't stop contemplating this notion of karma.  Karma holds a lot of religious significance, but I'm less interested in that component and more interested in the cyclical fashion of punishment and retribution.  My mom always says that it's karma at work when she watches my Uncle, who was a glutton for mischief as a child, try to wrangle his three extremely energetic sons.  He thinks it's karma that she got me... he's a joker that one.  The way I see karma is rather childish actually, but I always picture it as a sort of video game like Mario Kart.  You go around the track and try to collect as many of those coins as possible, sometimes you get a boost or you get to shoot someone with a lightning bolt, but eventually you'll get so excited watching how far ahead of everyone else you are that you'll fall into the lake.  Also, no matter how fast you go or how many coins you collect you're still going around and around on the same track.  Now I don't play video games all that often seeing as I'm the kind of person who has no hand-eye coordination and seems to think that if I tilt my entire body to the right then my avatar will move over more, but this analogy is more apt than anything else I could come up with while I was running so I'm sticking with it!  I don't know if karma works that way exactly and it's highly improbable that the universe is keeping track of how many karma points I have at the moment, but I must have been pretty low today to have been ambushed like that.  Either way, I like thinking that when I let someone into my lane because they didn't realize that their lane ends in 100 ft that I'm adding to some invisible score of mine.  I also like the fact that you only get bad karma if you do bad things, pretty sensical right, so there's no reason for any of us to add bad karma to our lives.  It's almost as if karma is setting us up to do better every day because bad karma just sounds ominous!  Regardless of how you view karma or even if you don't believe in all that tomfoolery being nice hasn't killed anyone to this date as far as I'm aware, but carbs have which is just strange since they're so good... so even though there really isnt any finish line when it comes to karma try to collect as many coins as you can today!
Have a RUN-believable day!
Song suggestion: Hollywood by RAC

Forgiveness

This post is brought to you today by Rihanna and Triscuits: Weave Some Wonder!  Cake. cake. cake. cake. I don't know if you've heard the new song by Rihanna featuring Chris Brown called Birthday Cake, but that's basically how it goes.  It came up on shuffle today while I was running and let me tell you, listening to a song that repeats cake over and over again while you're trying to forget about the piece of cake that's making you run right now... yeah not fun (also I just really wanted cake).  This song did serve some purpose though because as little as I care about celebrity gossip, and I care about celebrity gossip as much as the President of the United States cares about this blog so not at all, I am aware of the fact that Rihanna has for some reason that far exceeds my comprehension decided to re-enter a relationship with Chris Brown... allow me to quote Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers for a second and just say REALLY.  But they're not the focus of this post, they're just the catalyst for what I couldn't help but analyze for the rest of my run which was our amazing ability to forgive.  Not forgive and forget, personally I think that's a whole sandwich of bologne and cheese because honestly we don't forget and why should we, if we all started forgetting our own mistakes or those of others I think every history teacher ever would experience heart palpitations!  We're allowed to make mistakes and have regrets, I even saw a TED talk once that said regrets are healthy, it's what we do after that I'm focusing on today.  Forgiving someone can be sooo hard.  When someone's hurt you we all enjoy a little groveling on their part am I right... it shows us that we mean enough to them to try and make amends.  Forgiveness is our way of showing them that they matter more to us than their actions.  I've recently experienced something that made me completely reevaluate how I see forgiveness.  I would always hear these stories about how a wife would take her cheating husband back and I couldn't help but be utterly perplexed by this decision.  After meeting someone that I've found it is literally impossible to be upset with and I kinda get it... no matter what they did or how they upset me it didn't matter to me.  All I know is that if I were to withold my forgiveness then I would be the only thing standing between me and that person which just seems silly to me.  What are my feelings compared to our friendship?  At the time I felt like I was selling myself short and I would be more upset with myself as a result, how little self-respect does someone have to have in order to just forgive someone like that?  Boy was I wrong, it takes a lot more strength to value someone more than you value the past.  Yet I've learned time and time again that you can't live in the past, so if that's where you're focusing all of your energy then you're really not living and it's probably pretty lonely.  I'm not attempting to pass judgement on anyone in this post and I hope it doesn't come across as sanctimonious or any other pretentious adjective that I can't stand.  All I know is that my life can only be improved by adding a little more forgiveness to it.  Hopefully anyone reading this will choose forgiveness over condemnation, life is already too bittersweet at times why bypass an apple to take a bite out of a lemon.  Overall, forgiveness just tastes better... kind of like cake!

Remember to have a RUN-believable day!

Song suggestion: Take a walk by Passion Pit 

I picked the healthiest cake I know to tempt you all with... I think it backfired on me though!

    

Passion

There are few things that can unify people and I'm glad for that because it means diversity is alive and well.  But passion, that's something we can all understand whether you're passionate about food, music, sports, crafts, whittling, the harmonica, or even writing.  Allow me to be uncharacteristically optimistic for a minute here and work under the assumption that everyone has the potential to be passionate about something.  And I think that this concept is scary to a lot of people, myself included.  I am very passionate about certain ideals and activities in my life from the feminist movement to the Green Bay Packers and that moment when I finally deep-fry a pie to perfection (it will happen one day and when it does I'm positive it will be my crowning achievement).  The notion that everyone can be passionate about something scares me for two reasons: the worry that I'm missing out on my true passion and the knowledge that to be passionate about something makes you vulnerable.  What if I was born to sell weight-loss programs to people over the phone and I'm currently wasting away in college for no reason! Realistically I'm pretty sure that's not my calling, but all the same the point remains that with so much out there how can we possibly try everything?  My response to this is that if someone is truly courageous in life they won't let the immense amount of possibilities discourage them from even starting.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed by this, we should try to take the challenge head on and if we don't find something we're passionate about right away, well trying something new never hurt.  Unless of course that something new you're trying is playing a live-action version of frogger in which case what passions are you chasing... In the end my philosophy is that we're meant to find what we're here for eventually and stress is not it so lets all relax shall we.  As for the second half of my fears concerning passion, I don't know if you've ever played the game apples-to-apples, but let me tell you that game is not for passionate people!  I'm just kidding, sort of, because whenever I play apples-to-apples it seems that everything I'm passionate about is made available to be mocked whether one of my friends plays that Green Bay Packer card under pathetic or the Lawyer card for sleezy and I respond appropriately.  At least what I deem to be appropriate.  The truth is that while yes I can be a tad dramatic and dare I say it overly passionate about things I'm not ashamed of that facet of my personality for I'd rather be too passionate about something then not passionate enough.  If that makes us vulnerable, relish it because one day that passion is going to come in handy for people like us and when it does I personally will break out Aaron Rodgers touchdown dance in celebration!  By the way, have you ever said or thought a word so many times that it stops sounding like an actual word because that happened to me while I was running with passion, also guacamole and ought... what kind of word is ought?  Lastly, we don't have to passionate about every little thing, that's not advisable.  Do you think Maria Sharapova spends every living second on the tennis court... cause I do.  No really, I'm sure she has plenty of other activities to balance her day out, and so should we.  I'm terrible at art of any kind, even reviewing it is painful to watch with me, but every now and then I'll break out the paint-by-numbers because it's nice doing something I know I'm bad at and at which I have no expectations.  It's like a well-balanced meal, you can't just eat only mashed potatoes and nothing else because that's a heart attack waiting to happen.  Every once in a while we have to eat an apple because it's good for us and with peanut butter what's not to like.  I realized that I'm not passionate about running or exercise, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it or appreciate what it does for me.  And I couldn't sing for a penny on a street corner, but I'm extremely passionate about music.  In other words, be passionate about what you want, make mistakes along the way and don't worry about the haters. 

This is called a passion flower... who knew!
I want to end with a joke I heard the other day that is as cheesy as it is hilarious... What was the weatherman's forecast for the rap concert?  We're expecting a 'lil wayne' tonight! 
Have a RUN-believable day!
Music recommendation: Day Dreams by Midi Matilda (I can't stop listening it makes me think of summer without having to put that pesky sunscreen on)

Waste

So this is going to be a relatively short post this evening, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make use of a metaphor that practically smacked me in the face.  On my run today I was almost run over by the garbage truck... almost literally crushed by waste!  And I couldn't help but think that the universe was trying to tell me something; if we're not careful our waste could overtake us.  Now sure I could take that in a more concrete sense such as how we waste our natural resources all the time and will be paying for that dearly in the future.  However, I see waste as something that comes in a lot of shapes and sizes.  I decided that there are really three things that I want to avoid wasting, the people in my life, moments in time, and talent.  I have been blessed with knowing a vast amount of incredible and influential people throughout my life so far and like a good wine (or so I'm told by my grandmother who would know) they only get better with age.  I have a highly unrealistic view on relationships and that is that once I've met someone who I feel adds something to my life I refuse to believe that I should ever let them go.  Now I know people grow apart and time takes its toll on friendships, but I truly believe that people can be worth the effort and I haven't been wrong yet!  In terms of moments in time I just think that while not every moment in our lives is life-altering they all lead us to those few moments that matter most.  Yes even those hours you spent watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey are moments we should appreciate for what they are in their simplicity.  As for talent, I mean both our own talent and the talents of others.  I'm a fairly confident person and I tend to lose myself in the notion that if I work hard enough and I talk loudly enough that people will have to listen to me and agree with me.  False, and thank whatever deity you pray to that other people are aware of the falsity of this concept because I can think of so many times where being the best leader I could be meant delegating to someone with more talent than I in a certain area.  Before this gets a little to after-school special for me I'll end it here, but if you agree with my mentality and read this blog and have a soul (such hard criteria to match I know) maybe you'll be inspired to reach out to someone you haven't talked to lately and do it now, don't waste another minute!
Have a RUN-believable day!
P.S. I'm pretty sure if all trash cans looked like this no one would ever litter again... just think about it city planners

Change

Change is a tricky subject for me.  I'm positively allergic to change, no really it makes me break out in hives.  Being a strict Type A personality routine and order are crucial to my success on a daily basis so any kind of change, anything from the most miniscule of hiccups to life-changing events, can really get under my skin.  Fortunately, I manage to hide it pretty well, at least I think so, and work around it in a pinch.  That doesn't change the fact that change itself changes all the time and you can't necessarily see that change coming (geez how many times can I use change in a sentence).  I should come out and say it; I hate change.  That's a terribly impractical view to have, but I've been done hiding things from myself for a while now even if I don't like it.  What sparked this sudden desire to air such grievances you ask?  To answer, today on my run I was forced to forego my usual route in favor of one I had never been on before due to construction, something I can't seem to escape no matter where I am.  Apparently I've traded waking up at the crack of dawn to hammering right outside my dorm building to almost running straight into yellow tape.  After spending precious time fuming over the loss of my running route I had to force myself to just pick a different path.  I don't know if I'm the only one in the world who just can't seem to let go of a plan once it's been formed, but I know that I have it worse than most.  Either way, it got me thinking about all of the change in my life over the past year, and I've come to the conclusion that I have faced an inordinate amount of change lately!  I'm honestly shocked that I'm not curled up in the fetal position reading the same sentence of The Perks of Being a Wallflower or some other equally introspective novel over and over again like a recluse instead of posting on this blog.  I've essentially lost what would be considered the traditional suburban family in favor of divorced parents living in separate states, I've moved all of my belongings a total of three times this past year, switched from having a room by myself to living with three other girls, college (I think that's pretty self-explanatory in terms of change...), I came out to my family and friends(Only half of which I told willingly), and I denounced 16 years of catholic teaching in favor of atheism.  I'm practically the poster child for change, I should be getting a commission or something for this.  What I get most out of this list is that change is not something we always choose and we can hardly ever control it, but that doesn't mean it's all bad.  Those three girls I mentioned, three of the most amazing women I've ever met in my life.  Divorce... not the most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life.  My most recent change was leaving my dorm room and all the friends I had made to come back home for the summer.  I have never had such a difficult time with change before as I did the night I left.  It was not pretty, I actually remember thinking to myself during the breakdown that you are one ugly crier! ( I also was simultaneously fascinated by the way our pupils dilate when we squint, the body is riveting!) I digress, the point I'm trying to make and the point I reached just recently on my run is that my breakdown was a blessing in disguise because it showed me that I had loved my life up to that point so much and I had lived it so wholly that I was distraught over the loss of what was.  But if you had asked me before I went to school that I could possibly be happier than I was the past summer with my high school friends I would have laughed and laughed... I'm still laughing.  It just goes to show that change is a part of living and in the moment I'll probably never like change, I just don't see a second date in our future, but I will appreciate it for what it represents; an acknowledgement that there are people and places and experiences that matter to me.  All of this contemplating made me think of a quote by Hellen Keller I read a few years back so I ran back, literally, to find it and I want to share it as parting words for this post. ( Look at that magnificent woman...
it really is unfortunate about that dress though)

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content.  When one door of happiness closes another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us".
So let's all try not to stare so long at the bus we just got off that we miss the next one coming, the way public transportation is run another bus probably won't come for another lifetime.  And remember to have a RUN-believable day!

My First Run

Hello internet! My friend recently started her own blog and it inspired me to do something that I've been contemplating for a while now.  I run daily and it's becoming less and less about exercise and more about clearing my head.  At the risk of sounding conceited, there's a lot going on up there, but trust me it's not all ground-breaking (In all honesty I'd say it's more along the lines of 15% intelligent thought 85% eclectic ramblings).  For instance, when I went running today I found myself wondering why on earth anyone thought making a jumbo marshmallow was a good idea?  In theory sure it sounds awesome, but a marshmallow that's too big to fit in your mug and too big to fit between two graham crackers is hardly the Bill Gates of concepts!  As you can see my thoughts often take a turn for the random and useless, but sometimes I think I need to worry less about what I think.  Because of this novel concept I decided to start this blog with the intent of writing down what I grappled with on my run that day, big or small, and embracing my mind for the cramped and messy storage locker that it is.  What I hope to get from this blog is some semblence of clarity and to maybe give others an idea of how I've grown and will continue to do so if all goes according to plan.  I hope anyone reading this takes away a better understanding of who I am, or if you've never met me before then an insatiable need to meet this incredible person writing such verbose thoughts, or if you're struggling with similar concepts the knowledge that no, you're not the only one who questions the wisdom of jumbo marshmallows.  Or maybe you just stumbled onto this blog because you searched something on google, but you typed it in wrong and then google asked you if you really meant this instead but it was too late because my description had already sucked you in!  I actually have no idea if that's possible for people to view this regularly on google, technology and I don't get along very well... its not like it's a vital part of our society or anything.  Regardless of why you're here I'll do my best to keep things interesting and not bore you so much that you will literally do anything, even go running, just to get away from the computer.  I'll end with an anecdote about the first time I set out with the intention of running purely for exercise and not recreation.  I was running with my dad and one of the first things he told me was to always know where you're going and how to get back.  He also told me to run in the middle of the sidewalk instead of the edges so you don't twist your ankle which for a gangly and exceedingly clumsy teenager is probably the best advice one can give, unfortunately I can't say it's helped me much seeing as I somehow manage to trip over thin air... But the first piece of advice, the one about having some sort of direction, that one I've started to realize maybe isn't always the approach we should take.  I have no concrete direction for this blog, nor any idea how to get back to the person I am now once I've explored all the twisted paths my mind takes me, but this way I might just end up somewhere better-someone better, that or I'll get really lost and have to ask some kindly jogger if they know what street we're on and where I can find the nearest bathroom!  If anyone's reading this, then thanks for ruminating with me and have a RUN-believable day! (See what I did there, pretty nifty huh) 

Have some cute puppies running to inspire us all to get outside and enjoy summer and/or puppies!